believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
