i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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