nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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