I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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