I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
