I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
