You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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