we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
