Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
