i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
