oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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