don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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