I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
