Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
