OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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