My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
