addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
