mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize