i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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