it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
