I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
