Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's paint friendship bongs
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
