just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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