The maid of honor just puked.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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