im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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