just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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