He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
