i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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