I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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