oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
