he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
