Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
