And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize