So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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