i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
