Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
