puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize