Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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