if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's Friday. Sex?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
