That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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