Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
