so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
