Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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