I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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