I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
