No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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