Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
