Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
