I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What a dumb baby whore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
