The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
