he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
