if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
