I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
