his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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