Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
