dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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