You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
