What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
