I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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