he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
