I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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