I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
