im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
