Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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