oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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