the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
