and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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