Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize