Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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