i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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