i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
