He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is Oprah even human
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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