At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
