I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
