he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
